My mind feels like its about to explode. Everything, even the simplest of concepts, is way over my head right now. Nothing is sticking. I have a final in a hour and one tomorrow at 10:20 AM. I feel like my back is up against the wall. I know that the Lord will give me strength to get through this but physically, it body is telling my mind that it may be impossible.

I'm beginning to think that my focus is off. I'm sitting here, desperately studying for all of the wrong reasons. I'm sitting here, worrying about my grade point average, pharmacy school, and implications of getting a C in a class and such has become my motive for studying. Out went the desire the glorify God through it and in became this idol: pharmacy school.

I'm not saying that I'm about to throw in the towel but I'm raising a white flag in this very moment. It's one of surrender, not to my exams, but to God. I'm living for myself right now. Looking down this road, I already see that it is one of brokenness and emptiness.

Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Pressing forward for my Savior's glory through His provision.

Food For Thought

Grades are important to us. Duh. You can observe this by going to any given library at Purdue at the moment. All of them are at full capacity, with people searching endlessly for a quiet place to study. As students, even us Christians go through this madness.

What would it look like if we put such a priority on God's word in our life, if we longed so much to read it that we would be willing to search for a quiet place just to sit down and study His word? What if our hearts were as devoted to knowing God as they are to knowing the material that's on the final exam? It's a bit of a paradox. Here we are, trying to learn something that is completely useless and will most likely not help us the rest of our lives. We will probably forget what we learned in a mere week from now. However, God's word is living and active. It does not change. It does not fade. It lasts forever. So why then, given the magnitude of the reality and importance of each, do we place so much more weight on our textbooks and notes?

I am equally guilty of this. When exams come, my bible usually goes down. I hope to make this finals week different, actually quite opposite than the usually. Instead of putting my bible down and picking up my textbooks, I hope to put everything else down, no matter what final is next, what grade I need, and spend quality time with my Lord and Savior.

Lifehouse - Everything

I don't know how many times I've seen this video but it brings me to tears every time. We start off the video by viewing God's original intent, a world with just us and Him, and nothing else. Then we see the next phase of history of humanity: the fall. The lure of the world, the things that cause use to act in such a way that violates the very nature and perfection of God. Throughout the video, the girls trials and challenges pull her farther away from God. When she tries to get back to God, she can't because the weight of our sin is simply too much for a mere man to overcome. Enter Jesus.



Thank you Jesus, for everything. I'm sorry for continually being that girl in video, the one that insists on filling my life with the things that are in conflict with who you are. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me, in every season, in everyone of my failures. Thank you for your death, life, and resurrection. Thank you for being who you are.

Present Struggles and Future Glory

The purpose of this blog entry is not to glorify myself but to show how my heart has been changed by God's continual love, grace, and mercy.

In college, I have yet to get a B on my report card, let alone a C. At the moment, I'm staring in the face of a big fat C in one of my classes. Such has caused great distress in my life over the course of the past few weeks. On the bright side, I currently have a B in the class. On the downside? I need a B on the final to keep my B from falling to a B-. Even as we speak, typing this blog up was preceded by anatomy reading and will be followed by more anatomy reading.

Recently, a friend of mine offered what many would think to get a sigh of relief: old exams. Our professor recycles old exam questions and over the course of 4 years, recycles a majority of the questions. My friend sent me two years worth. With those as a study aid, I'm pretty much guaranteed a B in the class. However, God has placed it upon my heart that such a thing would be a violation of academic integrity. Faced with the dilemma, I sat in front of my e-mail inbox for several minutes with my cursor over the "Delete" button. Get an easy B or do the right thing? By God's grace, I was able to do the right thing.

I found it interesting that I read Romans 8:18 today.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

No matter how great our present struggles, what God has to offer is so much greater. As Paul wrote here in Romans, present issues aren't even comparable to what is ahead of us as believers. Getting a B in anatomy while doing things in a way that violates the character and nature of God cannot even be compared to getting a C and bringing a smile to God's face. By living and surrendering to the Lord, we live by His standards, His will, and for His glory. Even if that means pain, sacrifice, and ridicule on our parts, rest assured. There is nothing greater than the glory of our Creator. As it says in the beginning of Psalm 115, "Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory"

Psalm 124
1 If the LORD had not been on our side—
let Israel say-

2 if the LORD had not been on our side
when men attacked us,

3 when their anger flared against us,
they would have swallowed us alive;

4 the flood would have engulfed us,
the torrent would have swept over us,

5 the raging waters
would have swept us away.

6 Praise be to the LORD,
who has not let us be torn by their teeth.

7 We have escaped like a bird
out of the fowler's snare;
the snare has been broken,
and we have escaped.

8 Our help is in the name of the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

In times of trouble, we often question why God allowed certain things to happen to us. I like what the psalmist does here. "Had the Lord not been with us..." is the general theme of this passage. In all things, God's people were challenged and faced many trials but they were never in any real danger. God watched over them. Had the Lord not been there, the weight of the trials and challenges would have been too much to bear.
Reflecting upon this semester, it definitely hasn't been an easy one but the Lord has been with me every step of the way, providing whatever I needed. It'd be very easy to have an attitude of selfishness. Why didn't such and such happen Lord? Instead, my heart ought to be thankful for what the Lord has done. He has watched over me, protected me, and guided me every step of the way.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Luke 2:8-20

Seasonally fitting this passage is. As a child, I grew up hearing about how the shepherds went to visit Jesus in manger when they were told of his birth. Christian or not, pretty much everyone has. Two things really stuck out to me in the passage though.

Upon hearing the angels' message, the shepherds stopped everything they were doing to visit baby Jesus. Everything. In Luke 2:16, it says that they "hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby". I think we can all take a page out of their books. They were excited to meet Jesus and put everything else on pause to do so. Do we do this in our lives? In the busy and frantic moments, do we set everything else aside to spend time and meet with God?

v17 says that the shepherds "spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child". They just met this baby and they were so excited to tell people about him! They only knew of what was supposed to happen to Jesus, that he is supposed to be the savior, and yet they still praised God and spread the word. This is especially convicting for me. I've been a Christian my entire life. Not only do I know what was supposed to happen with Jesus, but I know what actually happened with Jesus. The truth and grace behind it all is overwhelming. But unlike the shepherds, I don't go around praising God constantly for His grace nor do I make a true effort to really spread God's love story for us.

Psalm 16:8
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

With finals just around the corner, it's very easy to get bent out of shape worrying about exams and grades. I know personally, this semester has the potential to be my worst ever, high school included. Through it all, I find my heart to be extremely restless as I look down the path before me. A bad semester has many implications for the imminent future: my pharmacy school application GPA.

As I blogged about yesterday, it is important to remember who our God is in times of trouble. That's why I found this verse so comforting. Though I may be in a rough spot academically, the Lord is at my right hand. He will never forsake me or abandon me. In Him, I find my strength, comfort, and guidance.

Clinging

Through my devotional book, I read a handful of verses today that all dealt with the idea of trial (James 1:2-3, Romans 5:3-5). Trials are guaranteed to come. So what happens when trials come? What is our appropriate response when we experience a heart wrenching pain so great that makes us want to curl up into a ball? One way is to cling desperately to what we know to be true.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Seasons come and seasons go. The status quo is constantly changing before our very eyes. Things we once held dear we now count as garbage. There is one thing that is constant among it all: God's character. As it says in Romans 8:28, we know that God works for the good of those who love him. We know that God is sovereign and that His will will reign in our lives. In a time where nothing makes sense, cling to this.

Hillsong - You Deserve

What is this love given to us
That saved my life through selfless sacrifice
Although we fail the cross prevails
Forgiveness stands
You take me back again

You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
So I give You my praise
Yeah I give You my all
You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
To the truth that there’s no greater love

Now in the darkness God’s light shines
Christ forever glorified
So come on come on sing out to God
Now with all we’ve got
We live for You our God

Salvation’s strong in Christ alone
The Saviour King alone in victory
I step aside give You my life
For You to move do what You want to do

I can’t imagine a life without You without You
‘Cause it’s all for You
Yeah it’s all for You
God
......................................................
What beautiful lyrics.

Psalm 73:21-28

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

A Weakened Faith

Someone once told me, "If you want to know how a person is doing spiritually, listen to them pray." I never thought much of it until recently, when I really thought about my prayers. I feel like many of my prayers are lacking faith. I pray for things to happen with the expectation that they won't happen. Here's a tangible example: I've been praying that my friend may find her way back to Christ. I've been praying it for so long and have seen so little results that in my heart, I'm praying it just for the sake of praying it. My view of God's sovereignty has greatly diminished and it's been showing in the heart of my prayers.

Gone are also the bold prayer, the ones that I lift up to God because as impossible as they seem, I KNOW that He can answer them because He is God. With a God as powerful as ours, we can pray bold. My prayers have been anything but bold lately. Mundane, typical, cliche...and there's nothing wrong with a "boring" prayer but I feel like my lack of bold prayer is also a reflection of where my faith is at.

Genesis 1:3
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.

Does anyone find that crazy? Everything in existence, the sun, the moon, the stars, the sky, the waters, the plants, the animals, the chemistry and physics behind it all, the mountain ranges...all of those things were merely spoken into existence with a few sentences! Our God is a powerful God. If God can do all of that with a few sentences, imagine what He can do in your life by merely speaking a few words. I first heard this at a summer camp that I was at and it completely revolutionized my faith. I am thankful that I was reminded of this tonight.

Thanksgiving (Spiritual) Break

It's odd. This week more than any other week of the year, we are called to give thanks to the Lord for all that He has given us. Unfortunately, the exact opposite happened. The second I left Purdue, my mentality shifted from doing my all to praise and thank my Lord and Savior to "me" time. I used the time to relax, unwind, and escape the reality of upcoming finals. Through it all, I neglected to spend time with the God that loves me.

While I took a break, God did not. I am grateful for that. If this was not the case, the past week of my life could be summed up by the following word: useless. The Lord sought me in my apathy and ineptitude and continued to make His presence known in my heart. Through the conversations with my friends, it was apparent how much God has been working in their lives. There was an overwhelming theme in many of the conversations: our unworthiness covered by God's grace. He used the least likely of situations, Black Friday shopping.. a time filled with materialism and greed, to remind me that the world seeks and desires foolishness. He used a dear friend of mine who is moving on to the next stage of his life to encourage me, give me words of wisdom, and to remind me to praise God for the little things that we take for granted. Through our conversation, I was also reminded that it's foolish to praise the gift and neglect the giver. I am so ungrateful and yet God is still so faithful.

While I did not desire to eat spiritual food on my own, I was spoon fed. It's time to get back on track and to really focus on what matters: serving the God that I love.

Redemption

2 Samuel 14

In 2 Samuel 13, Amnon, David's son, rapes Tamar, Absalom's sister. Out of revenge and spite, Absalom kills Amnon and then flees from the wrath of King David. In chapter 14, we read about the road to reconciliation between the two.

After the death of Amnon, David set his sights upon Absalom's death. Joab sent a woman to present the king with a story of which parallels David's current situation and essentially rebukes King David in his actions.

2 Samuel 14:14 "Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him."

This passage really stuck out to me. In the context of the story, this deals with King David allowing Absalom to return to Jerusalem. However, it applies to our situation as well. Like water spilled on the ground, we are useless and hopeless. We serve no purpose and cannot be saved. But the Lord is gracious. He saw that and made a way for us when there was no way! That way was at His own expense as God sent Jesus to the cross. Our God loves us, useless things, that much.

As the end of 2 Samuel 14, Absalom asks to see David and says "If I am guilty of anything, let him put me to death." Clearly, Absalom was guilty of murdering his half brother and David's son, Amnon. When David saw him, he responded by kissing Absalom. That is very gracious and loving but I cannot help but be surprised by this. Either David is a saint or extremely foolish.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.

We can plan ahead for the future as much as we want to. All of that is meaningless, however. The Lord is the one that determines where we go, what we do, and who we are. The thought of this can be quite scary. Being denied our desires isn't necessarily a fun thing. However, we ought to remember who God is in times like that. When God leads you in a different direction, have faith! Give thanks to the Lord for He is good! His love endures forever.

Diarrhea of the Heart

Taking a break from 2 Samuel today. I've been reading this book and one of the verses caught my eye today.

Luke 6:43-45
"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."


What does this mean for us? All the jokes, sassy sarcasm, inappropriate comments...none of those things are coming from our mouths. They are a reflection of what is in our hearts! Our mouth is merely an extension of our heart, verbalizing its desires and thoughts. Instead of telling our brothers and sisters to watch their mouths, we should be telling them to watch their hearts.

If anything, this reveals a certain level of impurity that is in our hearts that is often overlooked. Inappropriate jokes are passed off as "boys being boys". Gossip is passed off as "girls being girls", neither of which is the behavior that God demands from us. We need to examine our hearts so that words contrary to that which glorifies God do not overflow from our heart out of our mouths.

Part of the problem is the amount of junk that we fill in our hearts. Instead, we ought to fill our hearts with God's word, that we may know it, believe it, and live it. If God is truly on our hearts, shouldn't our words be filled with Him?

We really need to watch what we say. The mouth shows what's on your heart.

James 3:9-12
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

2 Samuel 13

Man, kinda a crazy chapter to read today. 2 Samuel 13...pretty much the type of stuff that you see on a soap opera. Amnon, David's son, falls in love with his half sister Tamar and devises a plan to sleep with her. Long story short, he things he's in love but is actually lusting and ends up raping her. Not a pleasant story. My study bible did an interesting comparison of love vs lust in this given situation...

Love is patient; lust requires immediate attention.
Love is kind; lust is harsh
Love does not demand its own way; lust does
Love can wait; lust cannot

If ever you're in a situation where you think you might be in love with someone, test yourself with what the bible says love is.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Now for the self examination: In what areas of this do I struggle? If a relationship were to come knocking on my door, would I be able to display all of these things? When I interact with people on a daily basis, are these traits evident in my life?

Cost-Benefit Analysis and Christianity

For those of my friends that read this blog and went to Teen Camp 2007, this will sound very familiar. It is something that the Lord placed on my heart.

Today during prayer meeting, Hannah talked about the story of Jesus and the rich young man (Matt. 19:16-30). Jesus asks the young man to sell everything he has to follow him and at that, the man's heart breaks. In worldly terms, he was wealthy and rich. His response to Jesus's request (which is actually more of a demand) shows where his heart is: money. Quite often, we find ourselves in the position of the young man, at a crossroad. Through personal convictions and biblical truths, we are often called to give up things that we treasure. For some, it means indulging in less material goods. For others, it means straying away from the party scene. Or maybe it's something else. Maybe you got into your dream college but you feel that God is calling you to go elsewhere. Regardless of what it is, it is often something that we hold in high regard but are unwilling to give up because our hearts desire is contrary to the will of God.

So now bring in cost-benefit analysis. In economics, we learn that if the benefit of an action outweighs the cost, we should proceed. If the cost is greater than the benefit, we should cease. So then, what does this mean for Christianity? The cost of following Jesus is not a light one. In fact, the cost of following Jesus is EVERYTHING. We give up our rights, desires, and lives. Seems pretty extreme, huh? But what is the benefit? The benefit is everything that Jesus has to offer: a personal relationship with Him and eternal life with Him! The benefit of obeying God (glorifying Him through our actions) is so much greater than the cost!

Lately, this is something that I've been wrestling with. Even before I found myself cracking under the pressure of an intense course load, I was debating changing my major. Don't get me wrong. I love pharmacy and everything that it has to offer. I believe that it is a very rewarding career and is beneficial to the community. Since summer, I've felt a slight tug on my heart to go into education. This whole time, I've been wrestling with the idea. I like pharmacy. I don't like attitude from teenagers. Both require about the same amount of schooling. I've already committed to a pre-pharmacy tract and switching majors would require extra school for a bachelor's degree. The opportunity cost of taking a job in education as opposed to pharmacy is nearly $40,000 for the first year. More than anything, this is what I was caught up on. God's telling me to switch from a major that I like, pays better, and has 6 years of schooling to a job that I may quite possibly hate, pays lower, and also has 6 years of schooling? GET OUTTA HERE! And then today, I was reminded of the actual perspective of the cost benefit formula.

Following my heart
Cost: Disobeying God, living in His disapproval
Benefit: Temporary happiness, self glorification, an extra $40k a year

Following God
Cost: A career in pharmacy, $40,000 a year
Benefit: Glory to God, eternal treasures

So I can keep my $40,000 a year and live in my own little world of gratification or lose the $40,000 and know that I am honoring God through my actions. There is nothing greater than honoring our God. Nothing. The cost of following Jesus is our lives. The benefit is so much greater. With that said, I am still praying about this decision but I feel like it is not only imminent, but nearly decided.

2 Samuel 12

This passage goes hand in hand with my last blog from 2 Samuel 11 and my blog from yesterday regarding Psalm 51. Psalm 51 was written in response to the events of 2 Samuel 12.

More than anything in this passage, I think it is crystal clear that God HATES sin. The Lord sends Nathan to talk to David and rebukes him for what he did with Bathsheba. What stuck out to me was verses 13 and 14...

Then David said to Nathan, " I have sinned against the Lord."
Nathan replied, "The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the Lord show utter contempt, the son born to you will die."

God sends a pretty clear message here.
1) He loves David and is willing to forgive him of his sin.
2) Although the Lord offers forgiveness, there is still a consequence for sinning.

I feel like this is where a lot of Christians get caught up. We grow up hearing about Jesus's sacrifice and God's forgiveness. While as are forgiven, that doesn't mean that we can go and do whatever we want! So often we say "If this is wrong, I can always ask God for forgiveness." First things first, such an attitude isn't true repentance. Repentance is turning away from sin and towards God. What we fail to see is that God hates sin and forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean no consequences. By law, an adulterer was condemned to death. God forgave David and spared his life despite his actions. However, as loving as God is, He is also just which is why we see David still get punished for his actions.

This Sinner's Prayer

Psalm 51

It's scary and humbling how much baggage can creep into our lives in such a short amount of time. Just a week ago, I was finding great joy in walking with the Lord. Fast forward to now and well, I feel spiritually dead. The weight of school, homework, pharmacy...all of it is just crashing down upon my shoulders. In that time, I have subconsciously placed all of these things before God. I've gone through the motions of reading God's word each day. I did it out of duty rather than delight. It seems fitting that I ready Psalm 51 today. The last time that I read 2nd Samuel, David committed adultery and slept with Bathsheba. Psalm 51 is David's response when confronted about his actions.

So I haven't committed adultery. I haven't lied to save myself from my actions. I haven't killed a man trying to cover up my sin. But all of that aside, I am no different than King David. I have sinned against the Lord and placed my heart's desires above God's commands. I have forsaken the Lord by having idols before Him. I have strayed off of the narrow path of truth and righteousness and onto the path of destruction.

Dear God,
I feel so unworthy calling upon your name. I have sinned against you, knowing full well of what has been going on. I have let the weight of the world and trials before me get a hold on my heart. I am in need of your forgiveness. As David said, Sure I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. So create in me a pure heart. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. May I take great delight in your presence and may I cling to the rock that I know to be true. Each day, may I find my strength and hope in You. I pray that my heart will remain humble, hungry, and active knowing full well that without, I am nothing. May I seek your face and may you reveal yourself to me each day. Lord, in all things, I praise you for you alone are God and you alone are good. Thank you for this time. Thank you for hearing my cry. Amen.

Psalm 51:10-12
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

What can i do with my obsession
With the things i cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

And i'm so filthy with my sin
i carry pride like a disease
You know i'm stubborn, Lord, and i'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than i know
And i feel lonely without hope
And i feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

my love burns for You
and my heart feels for You
my life good for You
all i have burns for you you
burns, burns, oh la la la la la la
my love burns for You
and my heart burns for You
you for you for you
and my heart burns for You
my love burns
my heart feel
my life good
all i have for you
my love burns
my heart feel
my life good
all i have for you

Thanksgiving

Had our SG Thanksgiving dinner today. I must say, I really love Thanksgiving. In itself, it's an awesome holiday. My entire extended family gets together and we have a massive 80+ person Thanksgiving dinner. I'm so thankful for that opportunity, not only to have a family that large, but to also experience the closeness and unity among such a large group. I have been truly blessed.

Here's the unfortunate part, however. I understand the historical origins behind Thanksgiving but I feel like we blow Thanksgiving out of proportion sometimes. Thanksgiving should be a regular part of our lives. Reflecting upon a week, and even a day, there is so much to be thankful for.

Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We are to present our requests to God with thanksgiving. I feel like I have so much to be thankful for, and I really am thankful for. And even though God knows my heart inside and out, I don't take the time to lift it up to him enough. In that, I find that I am quite the ungrateful person.

John 21: 15-17
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.

Without directly thinking of this passage, this is something that has been on my heart lately. As a small group leader, I have the opportunity to interact with God's sheep almost on a daily basis (note that I myself am a sheep as well). How well am I meeting their spiritual needs? The plain and honest answer is almost not at all. I am not the one to judge but I just don't get the sense that people are being challenged to grow in their faith.


C.S. Lewis Song lyrics

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

Psalm 25

1[a] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.

18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

Shane and Shane - Everything is Different

Gotta say, I love Shane and Shane. They always have thought provoking lyrics!

2 Samuel 11

Those that have grown up in the church are probably very familiar with this passage. There are a few things that really stuck out to me as I was reading this. The first has to deal with temptation. In verse 2, it talks about how David walked around the roof the palace and spotted a beautiful woman. Based upon his reaction in later verses, it was clear that King David lusted at first sight. Instead of leaving the roof top, not only did he continue to look at her but he sent servants to find out about the woman. Rather than running desperately from sin, he walked into the hands of it. Many times, we do the same thing. We see how close we can get to sinning without actually sinning and it usually bites us in the butt. Our response should be the opposite of what King David did. When the temptation arises, flee from it. If I know that I might have the temptation to get pissed off while playing basketball, it'd be better to not play basketball than to walk into the temptation and possibly even sin.

The second thing that I found interesting is how David tries to recover after he sins. At any point, He could have turned to God in repentance. I'm sure there would have been implications of being found guilty as an adulterer but the God honoring thing would have been to come clean about the whole thing. Instead, King David goes through endless amounts of work trying to cover up the fact that he slept with someone elses wife and got her pregnant. Covering up sin is not an easy thing, so don't do it. God offers repentance for those who ask.

Now That I Have Seen, I Am Responsible

Seeing God Through the Smoke of It All

Man, I must be taking stupid pills or something. This story might actually come off as quite comical as I'm having a good laugh looking back. I had a hard time sleeping last night so I googled my symptoms...

Fatigue
Coughing
Mucus
Abdominal Pain

Pretty common symptoms that shouldn't really give anyone a big scare. It was 4 AM and I couldn't sleep so I kept looking. I stumbled upon an unpleasant sight. Cancer had all of those symptoms. Stupid me ignored the fact that I don't have the major symptoms like a tumor and a expulsion of blood. I pretty much scared myself to sleep.

All the time, I realized that if I I did have cancer, I'd have to tell my parents. My heart immediately broke. My biggest fear in life is hurting those that I love. I don't think that I'd have the heart to be the bearer of bad news in a situation like this. I know my parents would grieve over it. Fortunately, I just have acute bronchitis which also has the exact same symptoms. (Accessibility to online resources is a useful tool but can be a dangerous thing when put in the hands of a fool...like me)

While I was pondering this, it hit me. How did God feel when Jesus was put to the cross? I know that my parents would grieve endlessly if something happened to me. I would venture to say that God grieved as nails were driven though His son's hands. He probably wept as His son was mocked, beaten, and tortured. Being God, He could have stopped this at anytime but He didn't. That's how much He loves us! He went through all of that pain...just for you and me. To think, someone so powerful and so mighty would willingly endure such great agony because of His love for us. Such a great and undeserved love that is!

I've been praying that God would restore the joy of salvation upon my heart. I think my prayers have been answered.

Credibility

While I'm all sick and focused on medical issues, I'll stick with medical analogies. Suppose you were waiting for a heart transplant. You're extremely nervous and you express this to the doctor. The doctor replies "Hey man, don't worry! This is actually my first one so I'm really nervous too!" I think it's pretty safe to say that you would freak out and probably pass out at the thought of this guy 'practicing' on you. He may be a surgeon and has already made it through medical school but he lacks the one thing that you can't teach, inexperience.
Now suppose you were receiving a heart transplant and your surgeon was one of the most renowned in the nation. Now assume that this guy told you not to worry. Those words mean a lot more coming from a guy that knows what He's doing.

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

I've read this verse and I took it as "Relax, I'm God. You have no reason to worry." A few days ago, I began to connect this with who God is. How comforting a thought! There's so much credibility behind this statement due to the character of God. God, the one who is sovereign over all things, the one that created all things and knows all this, is telling you not to worry! Knowing about God's character makes trusting Him that much easier.

As I learn more about who God is, my eyes are being opened to new truths. I need to continue to seek who He is and His heart. I've been a Christian my entire life but the more God reveals to me about His character, the more I begin to see things in a new light.

In my physical sickness, I have been blinded. Lately, a couple things have been on my mind.
1) What's wrong with me and why am I always so stinking tired?
2) What can I do that will make me get better?
I've been so focused on these questions and have been searching for answers. I've tried google, taking general medications, and finally calling PUSH today. In my time of need, I've been seeking all of these things of man. Now, there's nothing wrong with going to a doctor for help when you're sick because God has blessed us with modern science and medicine. However, my biggest problem is that my physical weakness has caused a great deal of apathy in my spiritual life as well. What a poor attitude to have, that my sickness is more important than spending time with my Lord and Savior.

I opened my Bible to Psalm 146 today and it walked about finding help in God vs finding help in people. People may be able to help us in the here and now but eternally, our help comes from God. Nothing should overshadow this. It is our God that delivers, our God that saves. It is our God that cares about our well-being and watches over us. In all things, we should turn to Him and look to Him for strength, wisdom, and guidance.

Fatigued

My physical and mental fatigue are both beginning to catch up to me. Before last week, I didn't miss any of my classes. These last two weeks, I've missed six total. There seem to be permanent bags under my eyes that won't go away no matter how much I sleep. Each morning, I wake up feeling nearly as exhausted as when I went to sleep the night before. Through it all, although my flesh and my mind are failing, God has not failed.

Even today, I woke up at 1 PM exhausted. I went to the library and felt like passing out the entire time but continued to study for physics exam. As I got to the exam room, I felt like I was about to drop, and yet I didn't. God provided much needed strength and I praise and thank Him for doing so.

Spiritually, it's been a rocky few weeks. By God's grace, I am clinging to the Rock that I know to be tried and true. I feel like there are storms all around me but above the storms and thunderous clouds, there is hope. No matter what I'm going through, God is still good and continually provides even though I don't deserve it. In my unfaithfulness, God is still faithful!

Psalm 107:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

A Discombobulated Symphony of Thoughts

I wouldn't call myself an emo person but lately, it's seemed like that. Pre-pharmacy is kicking my butt and it just won't stop. As soon as I can catch my breath, there's another wave of exams, lab reports, and projects right in my face again. I finally thought I had the hang of everything and then I got sick. I'm behind in pretty much all of my classes and I have an exam tomorrow night. Mental and physical exhaustion do not make a good combination.

I studied most of the day for my physics exam but that was the extend of my studying. Instead of studying and working hard trying to catch up in my other classes, I decided to sit in my room in front of my computer and just take it all in. After sitting and thinking, I found that I wanted to quit this pre-pharmacy stuff, change my major, and get out of Purdue as soon as possible. Pretty extreme, isn't it? That was my Sunday night...until about thirty minutes ago.

A friend of mine (of whom probably got sick of hearing me babble and sounding all "woe is me") shared a story with me. She shared a story about how a girl from our church and a handful of other individuals were in a car crash last night. She proceeded to make the story very dramatic, detailing the events. In my head, I was thinking "Man, I'm already in a bad mood, why are you telling me this?" And then she got to the punch like: A car accident in which the car rolled over 5 times and landed in a swamp...and everyone was okay. A sense of relief swept over my body. Praise God for his protection in this situation. Our momentary troubles are so small relative to what other people are going through. The sum of all of our troubles are nothing when compared to the glory of our God. We have an AWESOME God. When we lose sight of this, we often find ourselves stumbling, gasping for life.

In the short time of one day, I've managed to change my focus from God to my own problems. Instead of living for God's kingdom and what's eternal, I fixed my eyes upon what is temporary, tangible, and right in my face at the moment. I lost sight of all that God is and everything that He desires for me. I sat here looking at my problems and letting them completely overcome my desire to do anything. But the Lord used everything, my situation, my conversation with my friend, and the strange timing of a the lyrics in a few songs to really speak to my heart. What seemed to be a lost night became such a blessing.

Praise the Lord for He is good!

2 Samuel 6:1-21

A few things stood out to my in this section, both quite common stories within the church. The first of which was the Lord's wrath against Uzzah, the man that touched the Ark with his bare hands. As the Ark was falling, Uzzah reached out to save the Ark but disobeyed God's command by touching it. The Lord sent his wrath and killed Uzzah for his disobedience. Is that fair? The man only wanted to do something good. I think the message is very clear in this situation, however. A lot of the time, we have good intentions and may think that we are doing good things. God doesn't care about intent. He cares about our obedience and observance to His word.

Once the Ark finally returned to Israel, King David celebrated by dancing. His own wife saw this as foolishness: he king of Israel leaping and dancing over some Ark. When confronted with the idea, David did not care. His joy and relationship with the Lord could not be squelched, even by his own wife. He didn't care about her approval or her thoughts because his heart was with God. We ought to live as David did, not for the approval of others but for the Lord's approval. Live for an audience of one.

It Doesn't Matter If You're Right If...

I was put into an odd situation. Clearly I was wrong. That's not what bothered me. The situation was approached with a sense of self worth, pride, and judgement. Quite frankly, by the time it came down to the fact that I was wrong, I didn't care what the dude had to say even though he was speaking words of truth. This person did not talk to me about my problem out of love and desire to see growth. The issue was more of "I'm right, you're wrong. I'm awesome and you flat out suck!"

Instead of responding out of anger, I just bit my lip. Internally, I was fuming but externally I was calm and collected. And then it hit me. The verse thing that pissed me off is the very thing that I am equally guilty of. How often do I come off that way? When I talk to people about certain issues, is my priority a sense of self worth or a desire to see them grow? Is it out of love or is it because I am self seeking? If love isn't the root of my actions, I might as well shut up and go home.

1 Corinthians 13: 1-7
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Eternal Treasure

I am continually humbled with each successive exam. Second round of exams came back and all of the scores were lower than my first round by a letter grade. Last year, I would have freaked out about this. I would have gone into panic mode, locked myself in the library, and never left. I would have focused on my needs, my desires, me, me, me. I'm not saying that I'm satisfied with how I did but I realize that there is something greater in store. I desire to do well but I have an even greater desire: to walk with my Lord and Savior.

I've begun to realize what it means to "walk humbly" this school year. Last year, I thought I was such a hot shot getting the grades that I got. I thought very highly of myself, that I could do anything that I wanted. Worst of all, I thought this was all because of me and my hard work and my intelligence. I didn't praise God and thank Him for the talents that He blessed me with. This year, most of that is gone. I'm fighting to keep up. I'm trying to keep from drowning in the hustle and bustle of this school year. None of my grades are coming easy. Half of them are not what I expected coming into this school year. But through it all, God has granted me peace. I know that these trials are only momentary. I know that God is sovereign and that nothing that I do will determine whether it is His will for me to get into pharmacy school. In submission, I have given this up to God and don't really worry about the grades anymore. Grades are secondary. If I were to get A's and cursed God in the process, it wouldn't be worth it. Even though my grades aren't so hot, God is using this situation to mold me in the man that He wants me to become. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Praise the Lord for He is good! His love endures forever.

Colossians 3:1-2
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Taking a break from 2nd Samuel today. I thought of a passage during prayer meeting today and it was very convicting. Time to blog about everyone's favorite character from Bible children stories: Abraham!

So we've all heard the story about Abraham and his son Isaac. God promised Abraham a son with his wife Sarai and they waited many years. When it seemed likely that God's promise would not be fulfilled due to Sarai's age, she became pregnant with Isaac. After Isaac grew up a bit, God gave Abraham an odd command: sacrifice your son Isaac as a burnt offering. The very next day, Abraham went to do so. Abraham was all set to sacrifice Isaac and God stopped him from doing so. God provided a lamb.

Some people may wonder if this means that God is indecisive. God commands Abraham to kill Isaac and then provides a ram at the last second. I don't see this as God being indecisive but more-so seeing where Abraham's faith was at. God wanted to see how Abraham would respond to his request.

God's command was a loaded one that had many implications. God promised Abraham a son. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. So, if Abraham kills his son, how can he be the father of many nations? Abraham did not worry about such things. He trusted God fully in this situation, shown through his nearly instantaneous obedience to God's command. He knew that God is faithful and holds true to His promises. He knew that Isaac was a gift from God, something that he did not deserve. More than anything, his desire was to obey God and glorify Him.

This is something that I've been struggling with lately, lifting things up to God. There are certain things that I feel like if God were to call me to give up, my heart would hesitate and wrestle with Him. I've been finding that a lot of my prayers are conditional rather than those of genuine surrender to God's will.
"Lord, I lift situation x up to you and acknowledge that you are God and that you are sovereign. Let your will be known and may it be done...BUT I really really really want this to happen."

My prayer is that I can stop saying those conditional prayers, that I can stop thinking that my way is better than God's way and to fully trust and obey His direction in every situation.

Patience and Faith

2 Samuel 3-5:5

A fairly long passage today but the story naturally flows and it would have been awkward to stop inbetween.

In summary..
-Abner switches sides and helps David gain control of all of Israel
-Joab, brother of Ashael, murders Abner. This death causes David to mourn as David notes of Abner's unjust death.
-Ish-Bosheth, king over Israel and a part of Saul's house, is murdered by two men in his sleep. These two men report to David and face a more severe punishment than that of the man who killed Saul.
-David becomes king over all of Israel just as God promised.

Here's what I find interesting. Again, David knows that the Lord promised him the throne over all of Israel. David did not grow impatient or anxious with the Lord and trusted in His timing. What strikes me most is David's character through it all. While he is waiting, he is continually acting justly and honoring God through his actions. In no way did David do things to dishonor the Lord. Others did but David refused to condone such behavior as noted by the punishment that such men received. Opportunities came up where David could have just said "Yeah thanks man for doing that. He was an obstacle to taking the throne. Now that he's gone, it's all mine!" but David acted justly.

Another thing to note is how little sense this all must have made while it was going on. David knows that he is supposed to inherit the throne. Earlier in 2nd Samuel, he took the throne over Judah. Then Ish-Bosheth took the throne over Israel. After that Abner, a well renowned leader of Saul's army, joins David's side. Right after he joins David's side, he is murdered by one of David's men. Then after that, Ish-Bosheth is murdered. All of this time, I would have lost focused on God's promise and questioned God for everything going on around me. David did not do this. He held on patiently knowing full-well that God would keep His promise. And He did.

While God never promised that I would be ruler over Israel, a well renowned pharmacist, a loving husband and father, He has promised me something so much greater than the aforementioned. He has promised me a relationship with Him and a spot in His kingdom. Despite these ever present troubles and hardships, let's keep our eyes on what God has in store for us! I can say with confidence and conviction that what God has promised is so much greater than anything that is going on in our lives right now. Set your eyes upon His glory and His kingdom and fix them there.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

2nd Samuel 2:8-32

As I was reading this, I struggled stuff to meditate on and apply to my life. For the most part, this part of 2nd Samuel talks about how one of Saul's sons, Ish-Bosheth, assumed the throne over Israel while David was king over Judah. The two armies battle is out in a 24 person dagger match which ultimately led to no resolution because all 24 men (12 from each side) died rather than settling a victory. What I find most interesting in this passage is the character of one of the men in David's army, Asahel.

Asahel took it at his own personal goal to kill Abner, leader of Ish-Bosheth's army. Such was not the order from the head of David's army, Joab, or the brother of Asahel. Asahel continually pursued Abner. Abner warned Asahel multiple times to turn back because he did not desire to take Asahel's life but Asahel refused. Abner warned Asahel yet again but again, the recommendation was ignored. Abner was left with no choice but to kill Asahel.

It seems like Asahel's main desire in this situation was to kill Abner for personal gain. Had he done so, David's army likely would have praised Him. Driven by his desire to be glorified, Asahel walked into his own death. So, what drives us? What motivates us to stay in the library for hours reading stuff that we don't even care about? What drives us to stay on the basketball court and shoot jumpers until our arms are about to fall off? Being persistent is not a bad thing but being persistent for selfish reasons can be. The thing that drives us should ultimately be the glory of God. In all the things that we do, that would be our aim, our desire, our goal.

Christianity and Legalism

I thoroughly enjoyed today's message. I had my share of doubts when the speaker was late but all in all, the Holy Spirit spoke today. Despite the human error, God was victorious as the message was extremely convincing and rather piercing upon my heart.

Complacency is every man's enemy, especially in our relationship with Christ. It's so easy to forget about who God is and what He does for us. We take our eyes off of Jesus (much like Peter did when He was walking on water) and the weight of the world drowns our Spirit. Following God becomes this giant chore and we get caught up behind the legalism of it all rather than the relationship aspect. We continue to do the do's and not do the don'ts, not because of our love for Christ but because that's what we're instructed to do.

Christianity isn't this giant legalist community where people just follow a bunch of laws because some guy up there said so. Christianity is about living in the covenant of grace in which God has allowed us to experience through the life, death, and resurrection of His son, Jesus. Once we have lost sight of this, the devil has effectively won. Gone is the desire to worship God, to serve Him, and to become more like Him by glorifying Him through following His commands. What is left is the attitude that we need to do all these thing's otherwise God is going to frown upon us. There is absolutely nothing that we can do to gain favor in God's eyes. If we follow all of the laws and yet break JUST ONE, we are guilty of breaking the law in its entirety. It is through grace, not legalism, that we will one day enter in the presence of our God and praise Him for eternity.

With each passing moment, I find that I my debt becomes greater but so does God's grace.

Praising God in Every Moment

Hillsong - Desert Song

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Semester in Review (Halfway Point)

Thinking back, I asked God to humble me this past semester. I thought it would look something like this: I would keep getting my A's and God would just make me more humble. Wishful thinking but the former has not turned out to be reality thus far. Everything I prided myself in as a student, a good memory, straight A's, a strong work ethic, all of those things have disappeared before my very eyes. What I once boasted in and defined myself as has ceased to exist up to this point half way through the Fall 2009 semester. I now see why God says not to boast in anything but our relationship with Him. Nothing else lasts. Nothing. God heard my prayer and answered it. Even though it wasn't the way I was expecting, praise God!

Talents are God given. He can give and take them away at anytime. I feel like my "ability to get A's" is practically gone. Last night, I went into my organic chemistry exam in complete peace, not because of who I am but because of who my God is. Just because I can't do what I once could to doesn't mean that I cannot continue to praise God. In every moment and every situation, there is an opportunity to bring glory to God. Though by all worldly standards I may have failed last night, I know that my heart and attitude brought glory to God. Praise God for the opportunities to continue to praise Him.

This semester has been nothing like I thought. While my academics haven't been as hot as I was hoping they'd be, that doesn't mean that God has been silent. He's surrounded my with fellowship. He's continued to mold me through circumstances. He's given me friends of whom continually encourage me to keep pursuing God and praising Him in all moments. And most of all, even through my shortcomings, He hasn't given up on me. Thank you God. Thank you so much.

2nd Samuel 2:1-7

With the death of Saul, it only seemed natural that David would become king, just as God had promised. However, in verse one, it says that David "in the course of time, inquired of the Lord" whether he should go back to Judah. Conventional wisdom would say that David should have just moved back to Judah and assumed his role as king immediately because "the timing was right". David's response shows that he did not rely on earthly wisdom but rather that of God. God alone is wise. As it says in 1st Corinthians, even God's "foolishness" is wiser than any human wisdom. Even when the course of action seems natural, turn to God and seek His direction alone.

Seeking God has honestly become a chore. Keeping our eyes on God is no easy task. I'm going into a rough week of school (aka there's an organic chemistry exam this week) and I feel like there's a weight on my shoulders at the moment. No matter how much I pray, this burden doesn't go away. No matter how many times I try and set my heart straight, it ends up fixated upon a performance based measurement of success. Each day that I read God's word, I do so more out of duty than desire. My attitude is poor and I feel like even when I blog, I'm going through the motions. Here's the awesome part though. Even though my attitude is poor and my heart is else where, God works through that. The presence of the Holy Spirit is not deterred by my shortcomings. God is still God and He is still willing to speak to me even in my present condition. I cannot give up meeting with Him even when I feel like it. When my heart is out of this state that it's in, it won't be because of my efforts or anything that I did. It will be by God's grace alone.

Psalm 18

This is probably one of the longer Pslams that I've read. I find it a bit redundant at some points but the message is very clear. Right from the beginning, David says the following things about God:

1) Rock
2) Fortress
3) Deliverer
4) Shield
5) Horn of salvation
6) Stronghold

Talk about protection! David then talks about how He called upon the Lord for help in times of trouble. In his description of God's response, we get the image of this majestic divine power, one that shook the earth and parted the heavens. No wonder why David felt so secure with God. So often we forget who our God is in times of trouble. The very God that created the universe is the same God that desires a relationship with us and unconditionally loves us. Our God can do anything. Do our prayer reflect that? Do we pray boldly with faith or do we just pray the small prayers in fear that He can't answer the bigger ones? David was so helpless in his situation and He prayed to God with faith and God delivered him. Simply put, without God, we can do nothing.

1st Corinthians 1:19 "For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."

What this Earth sees as wisdom, God sees as foolishness. Sometimes what God desires flies in the face of conventional wisdom and logical thinking but God is no fool. Later on in the passage, it talks about how God's 'foolishness' is greater than mans wisdom and His 'weakness' is greater than man's strength. Here we are, sitting in our comfortable lives thinking that we know everything and elaborately plan for the future based upon what we think to be 'wise'. Relying on our wisdom will lead to nothing but a life filled with foolishness. Living for God, while seemingly foolish, has so much more in store than superficial 'foolishness'.

It's going to be a busy week this week. I feel like I need to study and do well on all of my exams. But I realize that more than anything, I need God. Instead of digging deep into my organic chemistry book, I need to spend time reading His word, seeking His face, and listening for His voice. When trials come and life gets hectic, it is not time to turn rely on human wisdom but rather to turn to God for His wisdom and guidance. In my current situation, I found myself looking for people to talk to. Fortunately, my AIM stopped working and I felt the need to turn to God instead.

2 Samuel 1

Back in high school, my bible study went over the book of 1st Samuel. It's been years since then but the lessons that I learned in that still hold strongly in my life to this day. I figured that I would start reading 2nd Samuel as it is a natural continuation of 1st Samuel. I must say, I am actually quite confused about a bunch of things that happened in the first half of chapter 1.

In the beginning of 2nd Samuel, David finally becomes the king of Israel. He knew that this day would come but he waited upon the Lord to work in His own timing. David went through many struggles and even had the opportunity to kill Saul with this own hands and take the throne, and yet David patiently waited. It's amazing how much David trusted God. David had the chance to seize what was the throne by his own might and yet he waited for God. God held true to His promise and David's patience paid off. So many times, we see an opportunity before us and say "Wow, I HAVE to take this opportunity because it might now come again!" and we blindly charge forward. Just because the opportunity presents itself doesn't mean that God necessarily wants you to take it. Be patient and seek HIS answer and HIS desires first and foremost.

What confuses me the most is David's reaction to the news of Saul's death at the hands of a man from Saul's camp. David wept. He mourned not only for the death of his dear friend, Saul's son Jonathan, but also for Saul, his enemy. I understand that David was distraught by the death of his friend but why did he mourn for Saul? Saul had wronged him in so many ways. The way that I see this is almost as if the Jews were to mourn the death of Hitler at the end of World War II. I'm no history buff but such a thing probably did not happen. So why then would David mourn for Saul?

I think it ultimately boils down to David's character. As we read farther into 2 Samuel 1, we realize a few things. David acknowledges that Saul was appointed by God to be king. Being a man of faith, that means David accepted the fact and realized that it was part of the Lord's plan. David was trusting in the Lord and knew that Saul had been in place for a reason. From verse 17 on is a lament for Saul and Jonathan. Rather than talk about all the times that Saul tried to kill him, David notes the good in Saul. It would have been easy for David to celebrate in Saul's death but that would not have honored God. As a man after God's heart, David honored God by loving Saul, his enemy, even after all that Saul had done. David desired to follow God's commands and that is evident.

The prayer of my heart is that I can be a more loving person. David loved the very man that almost speared him while he was playing the harp. In no way, shape, or form has anyone ever thrown a spear at me and yet I still find it hard to love people.

Psalm 104

Psalm 104

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul.
O LORD my God, you are very great;
you are clothed with splendor and majesty.

2 He wraps himself in light as with a garment;
he stretches out the heavens like a tent

3 and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.
He makes the clouds his chariot
and rides on the wings of the wind.

4 He makes winds his messengers, [a]
flames of fire his servants.

5 He set the earth on its foundations;
it can never be moved.

6 You covered it with the deep as with a garment;
the waters stood above the mountains.

7 But at your rebuke the waters fled,
at the sound of your thunder they took to flight;

8 they flowed over the mountains,
they went down into the valleys,
to the place you assigned for them.

9 You set a boundary they cannot cross;
never again will they cover the earth.

10 He makes springs pour water into the ravines;
it flows between the mountains.

11 They give water to all the beasts of the field;
the wild donkeys quench their thirst.

12 The birds of the air nest by the waters;
they sing among the branches.

13 He waters the mountains from his upper chambers;
the earth is satisfied by the fruit of his work.

14 He makes grass grow for the cattle,
and plants for man to cultivate—
bringing forth food from the earth:

15 wine that gladdens the heart of man,
oil to make his face shine,
and bread that sustains his heart.

16 The trees of the LORD are well watered,
the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.

17 There the birds make their nests;
the stork has its home in the pine trees.

18 The high mountains belong to the wild goats;
the crags are a refuge for the coneys. [b]

19 The moon marks off the seasons,
and the sun knows when to go down.

20 You bring darkness, it becomes night,
and all the beasts of the forest prowl.

21 The lions roar for their prey
and seek their food from God.

22 The sun rises, and they steal away;
they return and lie down in their dens.

23 Then man goes out to his work,
to his labor until evening.

24 How many are your works, O LORD!
In wisdom you made them all;
the earth is full of your creatures.

25 There is the sea, vast and spacious,
teeming with creatures beyond number—
living things both large and small.

26 There the ships go to and fro,
and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there.

27 These all look to you
to give them their food at the proper time.

28 When you give it to them,
they gather it up;
when you open your hand,
they are satisfied with good things.

29 When you hide your face,
they are terrified;
when you take away their breath,
they die and return to the dust.

30 When you send your Spirit,
they are created,
and you renew the face of the earth.

31 May the glory of the LORD endure forever;
may the LORD rejoice in his works-

32 he who looks at the earth, and it trembles,
who touches the mountains, and they smoke.

33 I will sing to the LORD all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

34 May my meditation be pleasing to him,
as I rejoice in the LORD.

35 But may sinners vanish from the earth
and the wicked be no more.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.
Praise the LORD. [c]

What an awesome passage! This psalm paints a picture of God's majesty and glory. When we see creation, we think of it to be aesthetically pleasing. We marvel at the beauty of the sunsets, at the vast expanses of water. The mountains take our breath away. We sit and gaze upon the stars in their beauty. But this psalm reminds us that all those things come from God. The beauty of creation reflects upon God's mighty hand and design, to be able to create something so beautiful. Our God is an awesome God.

Had the opportunity to catch up with a lot of friends this past weekend. It was awesome to hear how God has challenged them over the course of this school year. The general consensus is that sophomore year is a lot harder than freshman year. Everyone looks tired and stressed out like no other. I feel like God has been teaching a lot of us the same lesson: To fully rely on Him and trust Him in all things.

The First and the Last

Hillsong - First and the Last

You are the First and the Last
Beginning and the End
The promise of One who’s to come
The future is in Your hands
Calling the light with all the Earth we will sing

You are the Author of love
Our freedom is in Your name
Embracing the cross there for us
Brought us to life again
Calling the love with all we are let us sing


God our Hope and our Salvation
Worthy of all the praise
Be our light everlasting
Great is Your name
Jesus the First and the Last

Show us the way of Your love
Lead us towards the truth
Stir up the fire in us
To live out this life for you
Calling Your name Jesus forever we’ll sing

Every heart every nation will hear the sound
As the light breaks through the darkness and Your name rings loud
Every distant horizon will meet as one
Singing holy is Your name We sing holy is Your name.

You are the First and the Last. You are
You’re the Alpha and Omega the Beginning and the End
Our salvation You bring freedom God Your grace it knows no end
You’re the name above all names the Lamb that was Slain You are Yeah
The First and the Last. You are the First and the Last

Amen.

One Sided Relationship

Oddly enough, I feel like I got slapped in the face while leading the prayer meeting today. When it came time to praise God for who He is, I got all of five lines in before I couldn't think of anything else to say. Five lines...about the God that I claim to love. I have come to the realization that I barely know who God is. All my life, I've been living as a Christian and yet I barely know God. Problem much?

Here's what boggles my mind even more. Suppose this girl and I were dating. Let's say I barely know anything about this girl and yet I decide to date her anyway. Now let's assume that she knows everything about me, knowing full well that I claim to love and yet I barely know her. Not only to I barely know her but I know that I barely know her and yet still neglect to spend time to get to know her. But then she decides to stay in the relationship anyway. That sounds pretty one sided to me.

Such is the relationship that I currently have with God. He constantly pursues me and loves me despite my unfaithfulness. Even know He knows that I my faith and commitment would waiver, He continues to allow to remain in this relationship when He's doing all the work and I'm barely doing anything. That's grace right there, getting something that I don't deserve. My hope and prayer is that each day, I learn more about who God is. I think a fuller knowledge of that will transform my life as I know it.

Hillsong - For Who You Are

Standing here, in Your presence
Thinking of the good things You have done
Waiting here, patiently
Just to hear Your still small voice again
Holy, righteous, faithful to the end
Savior, healer, redeemer and friend

I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are Jesus

My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always
My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always
My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always

The Chicago Bulls

Matthew 7:7-8
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

I'm a huge Chicago Bulls fan. Last year, I placed watching my beloved team play the Celtics in the first round of the NBA Playoffs before my studies. As with most fans, preseason is an exciting time. You get to see the improvements that players made over the offseason. You get to see the rookies show their stuff and justify why the team picked them instead of the other 60 rookies that got drafted. Today was the second game of the preseason for the Bulls and I desperately wanted to watch it. The game was televised on NBA TV. The problem is, Purdue dorms don't get NBA TV. In this day and age, anything can be found on the internet so I spent a good thirty minutes looking for the game on google. I eventually found the game and watched twenty minutes of it. Then the website went down and I had to find a new one. In all, I had to find about four different sites to watch a mere 18 minutes of basketball. Nothing was going to stop me from watching this game.

Quite often, I pray and expect God to speak to me. That's not what Jesus told us to do. In Matthew 7:7-8, He very clearly told us to be active in pursuing God. One thing that I don't do is proactively seek God's will or go up to His door and actually knock. Rather, I stand in front of the door and expect Him to open it for me without me knocking. I'm not called to have a complacent and lazy relationship with the Lord. Following God takes commitment, focus, perseverance, and faith.
What I find interesting and sad is that I am willing to actively seek out other things, like finding a website to watch the Bulls play. In that, I didn't stop until I found what I was looking for. When I have questions for God, I half heartedly look, get discouraged, and often stop. Why is it that my heart cares more about a Bulls game than knowing the will of God? Time to shape up.

Musclar Atrophy and Christianity

Kinda brain fried right now so this might not make a lot of sense. I'm sitting here in the library reading about muscular tissue in my anatomy textbook. The book talks a little bit about muscular conditions such as muscular atrophy and hypertrophy in the section regarding muscle fibers. In the case of muscular atrophy, muscles waste away from disuse. It often happens to patients that are bed or cast ridden for an extended period of time. Myofibrils waste away and the size of muscle fibers decreases as a result. I couldn't help but think that our faith is very much the same.
In James 2 (of which I already blogged about), the idea "faith without deeds is dead" comes about. When we don't apply our faith to our lives, our faith is pretty much useless. We we are not constantly walking with the Lord, seeking Him in every situation, and stepping out in our faith, it begins to wither. When we rely on ourselves rather than God in tough situations, our faith is little and no where to be found. Don't let your knowledge that Jesus is Lord waste away. Even demons know that Jesus is Lord. What sets us apart is the faith that we have. Our faith in God, His word, and His promises should lead to a changed lifestyle.

Terrel Owens and Christianity

Matthew 25:14-30

Terrel Owens is possibly the most dynamic wide receiver in the National Football League. He has all of the physical gifts necessary to be the best. Owens is a dynamic athlete with good size, runs crisp routes, and ability to catch in traffic. On paper, this is the type of player you expect to be the cornerstone of your franchise, your star player. You build your team based around a guy like this. You market and advertise with his face on every bit of media that you can possibly stick it on. So if all this is the case, why is he possibly the best receiver rather than the definite "best receiver"? This man has a knack for squandering his talent. He is the best only when he feels like it. He creates drama in the locker room and drama when he's no where near a football. Terrel Owens is a egotistical headcase. All of that talent put to waste.

We are blessed beyond measure. Maybe not all of us are Terrel Owens caliber athletes but God has give each person talents, abilities, and gifts. However, people also have the ability to squander them much like the aforementioned athlete. As in the parable of the talents, a master gave his servants money. Upon his return, two of the servants invested the money and were able to give their master more than they received. The last servant did nothing with the money. He was lazy. He didn't act upon the blessings of his master and to make the most of the opportunities in front of him. In so many ways, I find myself like that last servant. I have so much and yet I do so little with it sometimes.

Last night, a friend of mine talked to me about squandered opportunities this past week. I prayed for change in my life and God gave me the chance to put my faith in action and I failed miserably. The opportunity was there and yet I did nothing. From this, I took away a few things.

The first is that when I pray, I need to prepare for God's answer and actively seek Him. God answered my prayers and I wasn't ready. It's like praying for rain and not bringing an umbrella with me. I was passive and didn't seek God after I prayed. Habbakuk said that he was "on the ramparts waiting" for God's response. Such should be the model after we ask God for things. Our faith should be active and constantly seeking.

The second was a gentle reminder. These talents that God has given me are not of myself but are from God. It is my job to be a good steward and to make the most of them. I need to be a faithful servant. In the parable, the master entrusted more to the servants as he saw that they could handle what he had previously given them. How can God trust me with more in the future if I can't utilize what He has already given me? I need to stop living for myself and within my own desires as that leads to a great deal of misdirection and complacency. I am not called to be the Terrel Owens of spirituality and yet that's where I find myself way too often.

This is how we know

This is going to be a bit short but it's something that really convicted my heart today. There's always that one person in life that you find hard to love, that one person that seems to get under your skin by merely being around you. I don't mean love as in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense but in the sense that I desire what is best for the person, even above my own needs. Posed with this challenge, I usually do what my heart tells me to do. I ignore the person. The plain honest truth is that I don't make much of an effort to love the people that irritate me.

We talked about this at leaders meeting today, about how as leaders of our Christian fellowship, we especially are to reach out to those who are harder to love and to set an example for everyone else. Now, there's this one guy that's a bit clingy. Clingy people creep me out a bit. And like I said earlier, when a person is hard to love, my initial response is to not love him or her. But I started to think of it in this manner. Jesus Christ died on the cross to save me from my sins. At that point, he knew full well that I would rebel. In my rebellion and disobedience, I am hard to love but God loves me continually, faithfully, and whole heartedly. I am called to do the same, to love as God first loved us.

That type of love is one that sacrifices for others. So if I'm irritated a little bit by this person's clingyness, so what? Suck it up, Chris. If bearing with the clingyness is what will make this guy feel welcome at our fellowship, so be it. It's a small cost for such a great gain, being able to fellowship with another believer in Christ.

1 John 3:16
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

Phil Wickham - Cannons

Phil Wickham - Cannons
It's falling from the clouds
A strange and lovely sound
I hear it in the thunder and rain
It's ringing in the skies
Like cannons in the night
The music of the universe plays

You are holy great and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I'm so unworthy, but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are

Beautiful and free
Song of Galaxies
It's reaching far beyond the milky way
Lets join in with the sound
C'mon let's sing it loud
As the music of the universe plays

All glory, honor, power is Yours amen
All glory, honor, power is Yours amen
All glory, honor, power is Yours forever amen

I really like this song. Although the song is a few years old, I heard it for the first time the summer. I think it really shows how awesome are God. This song paints a picture of the entire universe, from things as little as rain drops to things as large as galaxies, praising our God. The lyrics say that it will be like cannons in the night. Whenever I'm trying to sleep at night, I can hear the talk of drunks running around outside my dorms. The thought of a cannon going off would be something that everyone on campus could probably hear. God's glory is that unmistakable.

Romans 5:20-6:2
The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

If we confess, God's grace continually outweighs our sin. But just because God is so merciful, loving, gracious, and forgiving doesn't mean that we are to do whatever we want. As believers, we are to die to our sins. Sin should not reign in our lives. One of the biggest misconceptions of Christianity is that believing in Christ is enough to be saved. This is one of the biggest problems that I have with children's ministry. We grow up hearing the incomplete truth. A relationship with Christ isn't a one time thing. It's ongoing! It's a daily battle of sinful desires versus what God has called us to do.

Each time we walk in sin, we are effectively saying a few things. The first thing that we are saying is that we don't appreciate the crucifixion. Jesus went through all of that so that you could be SAVED from your sin, not for you go use Him as a lifeline when you are doing things that you shouldn't be. True repentance isn't "Oh hey God, I'm sinning again. Please forgive me" and then continuing to indulge in that sin. Repentance is the acknowledgment that not only sin is wrong but getting as far away from it as possible, knowing full well that indulging in it will continue to detract from your relationship with Christ. We are called to be holy as God is holy. (1 Peter 1:16).

The second thing it says is that our sin is better than what God has to offer. We neglect that God is offering us the chance to join him in eternity and that sin leads to condemnation. We say that living in the here and now is better than what is to come. When my family goes to a buffet for dinner, we usually don't each lunch. We withhold from eating even though we are hungry, knowing greater things are to come. Sometimes I crack and snack before the buffet and by the time I get there, the buffet is ruined because I don't have an appetite. Similar situation here. We need to have a bigger outlook on what's going on. It isn't just about now. It's about eternity.

We don't know when we will be called home. My family didn't know that my cousin would leave us at such a young age. It's important for us to get our act together NOW. This is something that we cannot afford to procrastinate on. Living for Christ should look something like this: Walking away from sin and walking towards God and continually growing in your relationship with him. Don't be fooled. Just because you go to church doesn't mean your a Christian. Just because you prayed the prayer doesn't mean you're a Christian. Just because you've served in church doesn't mean your a Christian. You can fool everyone around you but you cannot fool God. Jesus said in Matthew 7 that you can tell false prophets from disciples by the fruit they produce. What fruits have you been producing?

*I don't mean to target this at anyone. I recently saw a video (as referenced in my roommate's blog) and it triggered convicting thoughts upon my heart.

Stress Week

Psalm 23:4-6
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

God is constantly with us. King David looked directly into the face of death, surrounded by enemies, and still placed his faith in God. As he put it, God's "rod and staff" comfort him. Back in those times, a rod was used to ward off predators, such as wolves. A staff was used to guide the sheep. In essence, God will not only protect us but will provide for us as well. David continues to see the bigger picture as well in verse six when he says that he "will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Not only does David trust God in his present danger but is also looking ahead for what is to come. He's not just living in the moment but living with the bigger picture in mind.

These next few days look like busy ones to me. Exams, lab reports, meetings, so much to do in so little time. It would be very easy for me to focus on myself and work towards my goals and allocate all of my time towards achieving them. Even though my back is up against the wall, my response shouldn't be able my desires. It should be about turning to God, praising Him and thanking Him in all things. Instead of stressing and worrying, I am to trust the Lord for He will provide for me (albeit not exactly in the way that I expect most of the time). And there is hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. In my present situation, things look stressful but greater things are yet to come. What is going on in my life, all the stress and worries, is nothing when placed in the context of an eternity with God. Be hopeful. Be joyful. Be praise-ful.

Just Sheep.

I have gotten into a bad habit of putting meaning into God's word rather than taking truth from what the Word says. I come in with my own thoughts and predispositions in mind when I read the Bible. I fail to read the text for what it is and seek God through it all. That's something that I need to start doing. While I don't think I have been misled yet, putting my own personal meaning in the Bible has the potential to lead me down the wrong path as I am following my own direction rather than that of God.

Psalm 23:1
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

The imagery here is obvious of a shepherd tending to his flock. Being from the city, I really don't understand shepherds and all that fun farm stuff but one thing that I've learned from children's stories is that shepherds provide for their sheep. They protect the sheep from wolves. They guide the sheep to where they need to go. They provide food and water. They value each sheep to the point where they will look for one lost sheep. What David is writing here has great value. He knows that the Lord is watching out for Him, protecting and providing for him every step of the way. God leads him to "green pastures" and "quiet waters". The purpose of the shepherd is to care for the sheep and provide for their every need.

God is willing to do the same thing with us. God is our shepherd, constantly watching out for our well being. He knows our every need and provides continually for us. He leads us to places that we could not get on our own. He opens doors and opportunities for us that we cannot open. If God is leading me, I have two options, to follow his lead or to take the lead myself. I need to stop doing the latter.

I got my Organic Chemistry exam grade back today. The whole day, I've been criticizing myself over a B. I've been telling myself I need an A, that I need to work harder, study harder, and mess around less. If I want to get into pharmacy school, I need an A in this class. What I didn't do was lift it up to God and acknowledge that He is in control, that He is the shepherd of my life. God knows my needs better than I do and He will provide in due time. My response is to trust in God and the direction that He is leading me in, knowing full well that He will provide for my needs every step of the way. I don't need A's. I don't need pharmacy school. I don't need to push everything out of the way in my pursuit of pharmacy school and alleged happiness. I need God.