My mind feels like its about to explode. Everything, even the simplest of concepts, is way over my head right now. Nothing is sticking. I have a final in a hour and one tomorrow at 10:20 AM. I feel like my back is up against the wall. I know that the Lord will give me strength to get through this but physically, it body is telling my mind that it may be impossible.

I'm beginning to think that my focus is off. I'm sitting here, desperately studying for all of the wrong reasons. I'm sitting here, worrying about my grade point average, pharmacy school, and implications of getting a C in a class and such has become my motive for studying. Out went the desire the glorify God through it and in became this idol: pharmacy school.

I'm not saying that I'm about to throw in the towel but I'm raising a white flag in this very moment. It's one of surrender, not to my exams, but to God. I'm living for myself right now. Looking down this road, I already see that it is one of brokenness and emptiness.

Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Pressing forward for my Savior's glory through His provision.

Food For Thought

Grades are important to us. Duh. You can observe this by going to any given library at Purdue at the moment. All of them are at full capacity, with people searching endlessly for a quiet place to study. As students, even us Christians go through this madness.

What would it look like if we put such a priority on God's word in our life, if we longed so much to read it that we would be willing to search for a quiet place just to sit down and study His word? What if our hearts were as devoted to knowing God as they are to knowing the material that's on the final exam? It's a bit of a paradox. Here we are, trying to learn something that is completely useless and will most likely not help us the rest of our lives. We will probably forget what we learned in a mere week from now. However, God's word is living and active. It does not change. It does not fade. It lasts forever. So why then, given the magnitude of the reality and importance of each, do we place so much more weight on our textbooks and notes?

I am equally guilty of this. When exams come, my bible usually goes down. I hope to make this finals week different, actually quite opposite than the usually. Instead of putting my bible down and picking up my textbooks, I hope to put everything else down, no matter what final is next, what grade I need, and spend quality time with my Lord and Savior.

Lifehouse - Everything

I don't know how many times I've seen this video but it brings me to tears every time. We start off the video by viewing God's original intent, a world with just us and Him, and nothing else. Then we see the next phase of history of humanity: the fall. The lure of the world, the things that cause use to act in such a way that violates the very nature and perfection of God. Throughout the video, the girls trials and challenges pull her farther away from God. When she tries to get back to God, she can't because the weight of our sin is simply too much for a mere man to overcome. Enter Jesus.



Thank you Jesus, for everything. I'm sorry for continually being that girl in video, the one that insists on filling my life with the things that are in conflict with who you are. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me, in every season, in everyone of my failures. Thank you for your death, life, and resurrection. Thank you for being who you are.

Present Struggles and Future Glory

The purpose of this blog entry is not to glorify myself but to show how my heart has been changed by God's continual love, grace, and mercy.

In college, I have yet to get a B on my report card, let alone a C. At the moment, I'm staring in the face of a big fat C in one of my classes. Such has caused great distress in my life over the course of the past few weeks. On the bright side, I currently have a B in the class. On the downside? I need a B on the final to keep my B from falling to a B-. Even as we speak, typing this blog up was preceded by anatomy reading and will be followed by more anatomy reading.

Recently, a friend of mine offered what many would think to get a sigh of relief: old exams. Our professor recycles old exam questions and over the course of 4 years, recycles a majority of the questions. My friend sent me two years worth. With those as a study aid, I'm pretty much guaranteed a B in the class. However, God has placed it upon my heart that such a thing would be a violation of academic integrity. Faced with the dilemma, I sat in front of my e-mail inbox for several minutes with my cursor over the "Delete" button. Get an easy B or do the right thing? By God's grace, I was able to do the right thing.

I found it interesting that I read Romans 8:18 today.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

No matter how great our present struggles, what God has to offer is so much greater. As Paul wrote here in Romans, present issues aren't even comparable to what is ahead of us as believers. Getting a B in anatomy while doing things in a way that violates the character and nature of God cannot even be compared to getting a C and bringing a smile to God's face. By living and surrendering to the Lord, we live by His standards, His will, and for His glory. Even if that means pain, sacrifice, and ridicule on our parts, rest assured. There is nothing greater than the glory of our Creator. As it says in the beginning of Psalm 115, "Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory"

Psalm 124
1 If the LORD had not been on our side—
let Israel say-

2 if the LORD had not been on our side
when men attacked us,

3 when their anger flared against us,
they would have swallowed us alive;

4 the flood would have engulfed us,
the torrent would have swept over us,

5 the raging waters
would have swept us away.

6 Praise be to the LORD,
who has not let us be torn by their teeth.

7 We have escaped like a bird
out of the fowler's snare;
the snare has been broken,
and we have escaped.

8 Our help is in the name of the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

In times of trouble, we often question why God allowed certain things to happen to us. I like what the psalmist does here. "Had the Lord not been with us..." is the general theme of this passage. In all things, God's people were challenged and faced many trials but they were never in any real danger. God watched over them. Had the Lord not been there, the weight of the trials and challenges would have been too much to bear.
Reflecting upon this semester, it definitely hasn't been an easy one but the Lord has been with me every step of the way, providing whatever I needed. It'd be very easy to have an attitude of selfishness. Why didn't such and such happen Lord? Instead, my heart ought to be thankful for what the Lord has done. He has watched over me, protected me, and guided me every step of the way.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Luke 2:8-20

Seasonally fitting this passage is. As a child, I grew up hearing about how the shepherds went to visit Jesus in manger when they were told of his birth. Christian or not, pretty much everyone has. Two things really stuck out to me in the passage though.

Upon hearing the angels' message, the shepherds stopped everything they were doing to visit baby Jesus. Everything. In Luke 2:16, it says that they "hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby". I think we can all take a page out of their books. They were excited to meet Jesus and put everything else on pause to do so. Do we do this in our lives? In the busy and frantic moments, do we set everything else aside to spend time and meet with God?

v17 says that the shepherds "spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child". They just met this baby and they were so excited to tell people about him! They only knew of what was supposed to happen to Jesus, that he is supposed to be the savior, and yet they still praised God and spread the word. This is especially convicting for me. I've been a Christian my entire life. Not only do I know what was supposed to happen with Jesus, but I know what actually happened with Jesus. The truth and grace behind it all is overwhelming. But unlike the shepherds, I don't go around praising God constantly for His grace nor do I make a true effort to really spread God's love story for us.

Psalm 16:8
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

With finals just around the corner, it's very easy to get bent out of shape worrying about exams and grades. I know personally, this semester has the potential to be my worst ever, high school included. Through it all, I find my heart to be extremely restless as I look down the path before me. A bad semester has many implications for the imminent future: my pharmacy school application GPA.

As I blogged about yesterday, it is important to remember who our God is in times of trouble. That's why I found this verse so comforting. Though I may be in a rough spot academically, the Lord is at my right hand. He will never forsake me or abandon me. In Him, I find my strength, comfort, and guidance.

Clinging

Through my devotional book, I read a handful of verses today that all dealt with the idea of trial (James 1:2-3, Romans 5:3-5). Trials are guaranteed to come. So what happens when trials come? What is our appropriate response when we experience a heart wrenching pain so great that makes us want to curl up into a ball? One way is to cling desperately to what we know to be true.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Seasons come and seasons go. The status quo is constantly changing before our very eyes. Things we once held dear we now count as garbage. There is one thing that is constant among it all: God's character. As it says in Romans 8:28, we know that God works for the good of those who love him. We know that God is sovereign and that His will will reign in our lives. In a time where nothing makes sense, cling to this.

Hillsong - You Deserve

What is this love given to us
That saved my life through selfless sacrifice
Although we fail the cross prevails
Forgiveness stands
You take me back again

You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
So I give You my praise
Yeah I give You my all
You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
To the truth that there’s no greater love

Now in the darkness God’s light shines
Christ forever glorified
So come on come on sing out to God
Now with all we’ve got
We live for You our God

Salvation’s strong in Christ alone
The Saviour King alone in victory
I step aside give You my life
For You to move do what You want to do

I can’t imagine a life without You without You
‘Cause it’s all for You
Yeah it’s all for You
God
......................................................
What beautiful lyrics.

Psalm 73:21-28

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.